lost.

Words. They are all I have. I don’t believe in my looks. I don’t believe in my personality. I just have my words. Sometimes, that doesn’t help me out too much. But now, all I can rely on is my words. I am dying to love. It kills me to be as lonely as I am. I am terrified this is all I will ever know and I don’t want to die not experiencing the most incredible thing. Such a soulful connection, I long for it more than most and when I stop and think about my lack of it, a little piece of me dies inside.

I have the most amazing friends I could have ever hoped to obtain but they don’t fill that void that I need. I want someone to immerse myself in. I want to be the first thought on someone’s mind. I want to experience love in its entirety. I want to find someone I couldn’t imagine not having in my life, next to me, in the morning. I want to have children one day and I want to know that I matter.

I just want someone to want me.

I want something real.

Repomen.

Rating: 9/10.

This is the best movie I've seen since Inception. Absolutely fantastically scary. When I watch scary movies, the only ones that truly terrify me are the ones I can find myself in. Chucky used to scare me, Jason, Freddie, now it's movies like the Strangers that really creep me out. This movie is about a world where body parts can be manufactured to extend your life. You can get an artificial anything, but the price tag is not cheap, and the payments are no joke. If you fall behind on your payments, repomen come and "claim" the parts back. So with that said, "the Union" which collects the parts has two best men. (Jude Law, aka Remy) and (Forest Whitaker, aka Jake) Remy tries to switch to sales instead of repossession and while doing a repossession, something awful goes wrong....fast forward to Remy gets a heart transplant. After his transplant, he deteriorates mentally and finally sees what is really happening. On a botched repo after his transplant, he runs into a woman who basically has an implant everything. They decide want to start their lives over. (I'm not going to go into much more detail but...) Remy and Beth go on this epic journey to destroy the Central Unit (the place where all organs are scanned and accounted as repossessed) and slowly start scanning each of their parts. In the end, however, the biggest plot twist occurs and I want you to see, so I'm not going to ruin it! Go see this movie, I definitely recommend it. I hope you like it as much as I did.
xoxo,
Sam

Uknown

Rating: 7/10.

I am a huge Liam Neeson fan. I just want everyone to know that. (Look for it soon my friends, Taken 2 is in talks right now!!) With that said, this is not Liam's best movie. This is what I imagine a real dad would have been like in Taken. In this movie, Liam plays Doctor Martin Harris. He's in Germany for a colleague's presentation and shortly after he arrives, some crazy shit goes down. He gets into a car accident and upon waking up from his coma, he finds his life has been replaced with another man pretending to be him. The rest of the movie is him trying to figure out who he really is and running from people hellbent on making sure he doesn't. January Jones is a phenomenal actress, I haven't really seen her in a movie till I saw this one, but she is really great. Diane Kruger is great in this movie as well. If you're in need of a good thriller, go rent this movie from redbox. It's got some awesome moments, some unexpected twists and overall a decent movie.

You, Again

Rating: 6.9/10

Not going to lie, I just didn't want to give this movie a 7. I liked it, it brought some good laughs but again (you'll notice a recurring theme in my posts) I feel like I've seen this movie before or some version of it, the only thing was the actresses in this one make it more kickass than the last one I watched. This movie is about a nerdy high school girl coming back home for her brother's wedding only to find out that her arch nemesis from high school is her new sister-in-law. As if that isn't enough, upon meeting her family, her mother finds out her daughter-to-be's aunt is her arch nemesis. So, the movie is spent trying to derail plans. This movie has very similar revenge "moments" to 27 dresses, the rehearsal dinner is a deja vu moment for me. It's fun for a girl's night, or teens but it's not the first movie I'd grab. Kristen Bell, Jamie Lee Curtis, Sigourney Weaver, Betty White and what's her name work great together and make this movie as enjoyable as it can be.

Buried.

Rating: 2.5/10

Before I slam this movie, I just want to say it's a brilliant idea. The plot is cleverly designed to have things pop out at you and there are a few moments where you just wish for the best for this guy. Ryan Reynolds puts forth 110% on this movie. He is a brilliant actor, I can see it with the emotions he puts forth in this movie. This movie really needs no summary because for the length of the movie he's in buried, trying to get out. (Basically...) However brilliant this movie sounds, it was poorly executed. For the first hour, you just want to stab anyone that answers his phone call saying, "you're where?", "did you just say you're in a box?" "Iraq? We're in Ohio." "what can we do for you?" Then, for me, the ransom thing threw me off. I didn't like the british guy on the phone and the snake was just a time waster. Also, it annoyed me to no end, but in the beginning he has the lighter on for like a campfire in his coffin. Really? The only time I had a really connecting moment with the movie was the end, when the british guy is heard on the phone, "It's Mark White." That line and Ryan's face nearly brought me to tears. Other than that, I don't recommend this movie and if you must, redbox it although you will surely be disappointed, like I was.

No Strings Attached

Rating: 5/10.

Natalie Portman plays Emma, a disconnected medical student resident who has no grip on love, and is content with that. Ashton Kutcher plays Adam, a kid that lives off love and keeps bumping into Emma until she proposes no strings attached sex. This movie had its funny moments, the highlight for me being when Adam makes Emma a period mix cd. However, I give it a five out of ten because Ashton Kutcher has unfortunately played this role once before if you recall from 2005, "A Lot Like Love."
There's nothing wrong with that, just felt it wasn't super original, but overall a decent movie that makes you laugh, and makes you cry and the chick and the guy end up together in the end.

cigarette no-nos

So, I have recently tried to quit smoking. I've been smoking for a year and I honestly can say it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Some days I can't smoke a cigarette if I wanted to and some days I need a cigarette so bad I could scream. I shudder at the thought that one little thing could drastically rule over my life so much. I literally can't tell you how many times I pass a gas station a day and think I could just stop in real quick and grab a new pack.
A few years ago if you would have asked me about cigarettes, I would have told you there were filthy, disgusting , 100% not sexy, and a horrible, horrible health habit. Now, knowing all this, I feel like I'm pretty much a slave to it. It makes my throat hurt, I smell awful, and my bank account goes down in increments of 10 bucks almost. The worst thing for me though is when my friends hop into my car and tell me how awful it smells, and I don't even know.
Although last night I made a break-through. For the first time, I let someone snap my cigarettes in half. I didn't use the excuse, "well I just spent seven bucks, and now I have to get my money's worth." I just let him snap them in half. It's kind of gratifying, but at the same time, terrifying. The fact that I can even be emotional about it tells me that I need to stop immediately. I don't understand how I even started smoking.
I have three friends that smoke around me, and they are always telling me they quit. I think it's entirely unfair that they can pick and choose to quit when I need them for support. They tell me they quit and I have no one to smoke with and then they smoke the next day. It's confusing and irritating, and it drives me up a wall. I decided to finally let them know that if we were going to quit, we should quit together. It makes the best solution. If I am never around smokers, I will get the urge to do it less often. That makes it easier for me to quit. This might sound kind of arrogant, or selfish, but the fact of the matter is I need to be on this topic. Smoking is driving me nuts. I hate myself when I smoke, and I hate myself when I need one. It's a lose-lose.
So hopefully, I can fight it, and get better at it, because with all my heart, I truly want to stop smoking and I know that right now is the perfect opportunity to stop.
xoxo,
Sam

what's poppin ma?

First off, I don't know when it developed but our grammar online is atrocious. Yo, str8, sup, ryt3, holla. PLEASE STOP. i h8 ppl who typ3 lyk dis. It takes more effort to spell it out that way and it makes you sound stupid.

xoxo,
Sam

they would.

Sometimes I feel the reason it's so hard to have a relationship in this day and age is because relying on people is frustrating. If you can't rely on friends to keep plans, or people to arrive on time, how can you trust someone with your heart? How can you fully believe in someone else when the chances of people coming through is slim? It's a scary world. Trust is so important it is absolutely ridiculous.
xoxo,
Sam

oh, movies...learn a new trick!

Okay, so today I hadn't slept and I started watching the NCIS marathon. For those of you who don't watch NCIS, watch a marathon of it. It's great. Literally one of the best shows ever. Well, one episode a woman stabs a sailor, and the idiot pulls it out and bleeds out right on the sidewalk of a busy street. REALLY?


so, I've devised my top ten pet peeves movies exaggerate on.


10. "Things can't get any worse." - You know that's a telltale sign that something worse is about to happen! Seriously, I know out of 6 billion people, there's got to be a new way to forewarn us shit is about to go down, or even better...just bam! it happens. Has anyone seen Boogeyman where he is driving back to the house and out of nowhere, a ridiculous crow just smashes into his windshield. It gave me a mini-heart attack. That's the stuff we like to see!


9. Stay down. - You know, I can respect someone sticking up for what they believe in, or wanting to keep dignity but if someone beats you to a pummel, seriously don't reach for the chair to pull yourself up and stumble onto the couch making your way for beating number 2. Why? I'd stay down.


8. The trusty kitchen knife. - Really? My first choice would be a gun. With stabbing, you really have to get close to someone, chances are it's very gory and not from experience, but it's very hard to stab someone. Most of the time the little sissy stab is not enough to do anything, it's a surface wound and stabbing someone completely is very strenuous. Ps. My second choice would be a bat.


7. Straight on down the road. - If someone is chasing you in a car, it's probably not the wisest decision to run in a straight line directly in front of the car. Instead find barriers, obstacles, run zigzags at least make it hard to maneuver the car. If a car is dodging obstacles, chances are it can't go near as fast to obliterate you!


6. Is it dead? - Often, too many times, the "bad guy" gets killed....or so we think! Then, "awww, happy moment.." flash to an empty room, a bare floor, or just rubble. Oops, you didn't kill the bad guy, you just pissed them off.


5. Shooting randomly in a car - I thoroughly enjoy action movies but sometimes the pointless shooting in a high speed car chase drives me nuts. I like action, so I want a see a tire blown, a couple of flips and some kick ass times.


4. Hi! Come in - Open windows are also a big exaggeration. Seriously, leave a window open after a long, weird, bizarre day...you know what's gonna happen. Big, scary monster/bad guy is gonna find his way into your home and try to kill you. Why let that happen?


3. Conflicts with guns/knives - When two people are struggling and one of them has a weapon, it always seems one of them gets shot, or stabbed or maimed. I can't stand that!


2. Watch your backside. - In movies, it always seems someone is getting jumped from behind. You know why? They always want to walk into a room without looking first. When you hear a noise, the first thing you do is check your entryways! If there's one thing, civilians always skip that! Be like the repetitive cops, and be too cautious coming in doorways, hallways, opening rooms and etc.


1. Let me just, *chokes, falls, and bleeds* - My ultimate pet peeve in movies is when they pull out whatever impaled them. If it looks like a scary wound, (chest cavity area/face) and you pull the weapon out, you are not going to continue to have an epic battle scene for 5-10 minutes...you're probably dead sucker! Seriously though, if you're ever stabbed, or impaled, that object has now fixed itself into body traffic. You remove it, and chaos ensues. You bleed out, you do damage, it's a lose-lose for you. Knives for example, don't make a clean exit. You got stabbed while it was going in, and you continue to do damage pulling it out. So, leave it, keep it and get your ass in gear for a hospital!
Xoxo,
Sam

"How can we love, if we can't love ourselves?"

I am 20 and loveless. I have been single for 20 years, not for lack of trying. I wouldn’t say I’m ugly, or pretty, I tend to think of myself as an average jane. I have a lot of self-improvement to be made, but I long for a connection with someone. I’ve had some close calls. I’ve had some deep feelings for some people that were one-sided. I don’t talk about it with anyone, because I feel that because they were just feelings they’re not as big of a deal as some of the relationship problems that some of my friends talk about. I do want to put them on here though. Just to say I’ve told someone. There’s four guys who I’ve wanted to tell these things for awhile. So here goes.

C.

You were the first real maybe for me. I know I screwed up a few times when we first started talking but I’ve always wondered what if. Those will be what-ifs I live with forever. I mean, eventually they will float to the back of my head and I’ll think of them once in a blue moon, but you will always be there in the back of my head. You always tell me you scare yourself with how in depth you think and the things you think about but you’ve never scared me. You’ve always been original. I’ve always found that admirable in a world set on repeat. You told me something recently that really hurt my feelings, and before that I always wondered if I would have feelings for you, but you kinda cooled them to a freeze after you told me “I think that’s part of the drive…I enjoy the chase knowing its not ur scene.” For a long time, I wondered why we never aimed for a relationship and now I know why. Then in the days after that, I saw a real you, one that I could find relatable so quickly, it scared me. After we really talked, I figured that I will always have feelings for you, whether they are friendly or more. I hope you find fulfillment in the things you do, don’t ever settle. And I hope you find someone truly in love with you. ALL of you. There’s places you don’t let anyone see. I’m sure I’ve never even seen all of you, but I have a better understanding of you almost five years later after I met you and I care about you deeply. I hope you let her in, make sure you find a girl you can completely give in to, one that never has to worry about you breaking her heart. Don’t be unfaithful to her. Find her, and give yourself a chance to find happiness.

M.

I could have loved you, so easily. It’s scary how much I could have loved you. You were never interested in me that way though, which I can respect. You’ve always been a wavering friend. I don’t think I could rely on you to be there for me all the time, but I know that’s just a part of you. I always felt part of your charm to me was the way you challenged me. You’re like completely opposite from me, so glass half-empty, so in need of cheering up. You’ve been a challenge to be a friend to, but in a good way. I hope that makes sense. You’ve always been someone I enjoyed being friends with. I hope we are friends for a long time, although you need to work on your skills. You came back here but I am scared you’re going to end up leaving again, permanently. Buckle down and figure out what you want from life. Don’t surf your time away. And, you with your “girlfriends are overrated,” don’t give up on love. You haven’t found her yet, but you don’t realize how quickly she can pass you by. And we joke about it every now and then, but if staying here was that important, I would have if you asked me to.

J.

You are easily one of the best guy friends I’ve ever had. You’re also easily the biggest flake I’ve ever known. You’re constantly getting my hopes up, and you’ve kinda burned me out. I love you to death, but you can’t treat friends like trophies. I can’t sit on a shelf for a year, and then be shown off. I need to know you’re proud in being my friend all the time, because I don’t get that feeling at all. You say we are good friends, but I don’t know much about you, just the trouble you get in and your dreams. I feel like I should know you more than that. I feel like I have a right to, being such a good friend. I want to be able to call you and have a conversation, hang out if you’re not busy. I don’t want to catch you on a yearly basis. I want to say I’ve been there for you, and I want to say you’ve been there for me. That’s a friend to me, and that’s what I want you to mean to me.

J.A.

I’m sorry if you ever come across this and don’t see as many kind words as the others. I don’t know you all that well, but I know of the time we’ve hung out. First off, you should know that you’re a catch, but before any girl thinks that you have to. You can’t be questioning yourself, hoping you find a yes from someone else one day. You have to know it, believe it, and make others believe it. You have to stop going around seeing who’s open to whatever you’ve got planned. I think you’re funny, kind, and generally a nice guy. Nice guys finish last though because they don’t do something about it. Don’t let that be the case for you.

xoxo,
Sam

My Inspiration for this page.

"Birds" - Deas Vail

It’s not that there were ever bad intentions—
it’s more that we forgot where to call home. 
From important things that we don’t know to mention, 
it’s the uniform that we put on—the formula we have for love.
xoxo,
Sam

Welcome.

I'm new to posting, so hopefully as we get situated this page becomes better to look at, and more substantial than it is now. Anyhow, my post title and link come from Deas Vail lyrics from their song "Birds." They are such a great band, if you haven't heard of them, please take a listen! Anyhow, see you guys soon,
xoxo
Sam